News that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (aka Harry and Meghan) were splitting off from the Royal House to go it alone in Canada, upset the Windsors and shocked many British subjects. But what’s so bad about divorcing your family?
In my experience, when family members find it impossible to co-exist harmoniously when respect is lacking or values seem impossibly misaligned, D I V O R C E can be the very best solution.
Psychologists set out three main causes of divorce.
Estrangement, often the result of neglect or abuse of the child, is one of the main reasons for making a clean break.
Alienation, usually when one parent persuades their child to disown the other parent after a divorce, is another factor.
Other times, marginalization, the chronic experience of being excluded, treated differently. or being disapproved of by the rest of the family, causes many people to feel that communication with their family cannot be resolved.
If any of these experiences describe to your situation, you really could do worse than to follow Harry and `Meghan’s example
Don’t rush into anything. Like the Sussexes, take time out to find ‘the space to focus’ on the needs of your family unit, versus the needs and demands of your birth family.
If you feel it necessary to renegotiate the terms of your relationship with family members, it’s best, like Harry and Meghan, to be clear and firm. Your soon to be ex-family members will not like you taking control, especially if you’re ‘the black sheep of the family,’ but I promise no good will come from agreeing to negotiate at this late stage. Once you’re out, you’re out.
To the Royals, of course, the ‘Press Release’ was all-important. In the end, the Sussexes wrote one release, the Windsors another. This is how it will be for you too. After all, there will be two different versions of any split. The important thing is to be as kind, fair and generous as you possibly can be. “It’s not them, it’s us.”
In other words, ‘even though we are getting a divorce, we would like to try to be cordial and supportive.’
We have no choice about the family we were born into, and putting up with behavior or conflicts that we are often powerless to resolve should not be necessary just because they occur in the family. It’s by no means the easy option, but when you feel powerless to make the family dynamic work for you, the kind of separation which Harry and Meghan have instigated may be your very best course of action.
Read the full article I wrote about this on Forbes.com
Remy Blumenfeld is a creative life coach living in London. He empowers leaders to play the game of life with purpose, grace, and ease. Before training as a coach, he launched a TV Production company that created dozens of groundbreaking, TV shows.